Destroying the Archetype of the Controlling Woman

The archetype of the "controlling woman" has long been a source of misunderstanding and misrepresentation, often portraying women as inherently overbearing and tyrannical. Teal Swan, a renowned spiritual teacher, sheds light on this issue, emphasizing that controlling behavior in women is not a natural trait but a response to deep-seated fear and unresolved trauma. These behaviors often emerge as a survival mechanism, where women attempt to create a sense of safety in an unpredictable or unsafe environment.

Understanding the Root Causes

Control, as Teal explains, is a fear-based behavior. Women who are perceived as controlling often operate from a place of anxiety and fear due to past painful experiences or chronic trauma. This trauma stems from having unmet needs, particularly those related to feminine polarity—such as feeling contained, protected, and supported. When these needs are unmet, women may feel compelled to seize control over their environment and relationships as the only means of securing safety and security.

Debunking Myths About "Fixing" Controlling Behavior

One prevalent misconception is that pairing a controlling woman with a laid-back, carefree man will help her relax and "chill out." However, Teal argues that this dynamic often exacerbates the problem. A carefree partner may not be attuned to potential dangers or responsibilities, leaving the woman to shoulder the burden of ensuring safety and security alone. This reinforces her controlling behavior, as she cannot trust her partner to account for potential risks.

Teal uses the example of a woman named Shannon, who is in a relationship with Jabril, a carefree man. While Shannon appreciates Jabril's ability to help her enjoy the moment, his lack of attentiveness to responsibilities ultimately heightens her anxiety and controlling tendencies. This dynamic is not unique to Shannon but is common in many relationships where the woman's need for security is not adequately met.

The True Solution: Attuned Partnership

To truly address the controlling behavior, it is crucial to understand that it stems from unmet needs and unresolved trauma. Partners of women who exhibit controlling tendencies should focus on becoming more responsible and proactive in anticipating potential dangers and providing a sense of security. By doing so, they can build trust and help their partners feel safe enough to relinquish control.

Women are not inherently controlling; they become so when their needs go unmet. These needs include containment, protection, assurance, support, trust, and emotional engagement. When these needs are met, women can relax into their natural state, which is not rigid or controlling but fluid and balanced.

Healing and Moving Forward

Teal Swan also emphasizes the importance of addressing the underlying trauma that contributes to controlling behavior. This involves not only resolving past pain but also ensuring that the woman's needs are consistently met in the present. Techniques like The Completion Process, as discussed in her book, can be instrumental in this healing journey.

It's essential to recognize that being controlling is not a natural state for women—it is a response to things going very wrong in their environment. The path to healing and dismantling this archetype lies in understanding, attuned partnership, and addressing the root causes of fear and trauma.

A Message of Empowerment

To every woman who has been labeled as controlling or uptight: know that your strength lies not in the control you exert, but in the courage it takes to face your fears and heal from past wounds. You are not defined by society's misperceptions or the traumas you've endured. You are resilient, capable, and deserving of a life where your needs are met, your voice is heard, and your true power is recognized. Embrace your journey of healing and empowerment, and trust that as you do, you will naturally step into the fullness of your feminine strength. The world needs your authentic power—not to control, but to inspire, uplift, and lead with grace.